I moved into my new suite Wednesday. Returning students weren't scheduled to return until today or tomorrow, but my roommate's dad is friends with the man in charge of housing so we got to come early. The suite is more or less two rooms connected by a general living area and kitchenette. Our room is very cute, but we wouldn't have it any other way :) It is complete with pictures, tiaras, posters of international landscapes and more clothes than we will ever need. There are four of us living here, my roommate and I are really tight, a third girl who we know from class and another girl who we do not know at all. The fourth roommate just moved in a few hours ago and while she seems nice her mom is incredibly snobby! I'm not sure what her deal is but she was just shy of being downright rude. We were brainstorming about different ways to arrange the living room furniture and while I had it done in a way that maximized floor space while still keeping the television in view of all chairs, she just looked at it and said "well *last* year the couch was *here* and it just divided the room, it was just lovely." Well excuse me, last year in my suite we had a better television but you wanted your daughter to use yours so that's fine we'll deal but there are four of us now, things aren't going to be exactly as they were last year, roll with the punches. I didn't say that but it just upset me. Two weeks ago Anna "called" the larger room of the two, and that's fine, but don't expect us to just allow you to make things how you, and only you, want them. It's called compromise. Oh well, Anna seems really nice and I guess that's all that matters :)

Continued from yesterday:

I'm sure that some psychologists would analyze my mistrust in love as being a result of my parent's relationship, they are still married but they fight constantly. My dad drinks too much, mom confronts him about it, he gets defensive, she gets defensive, and then they won't speak for weeks. Things were really bad my freshman year of high school, but after junior year they seemed to be getting better, however they have begun to turn around again lately. Although temporarily they have been doing alright because my mom is having trouble with her hands and dad has been doing all he can to help her thus stopping their fighting, David and I both realize that the peace likely won't last. I for one am tired of them complaining about each other to me, my parents don't really have friends that they spend time with, mom has her sisters and dad has his fishing buddies from work but they don't really have anyone else to talk to so they talk to me. I hate it, I'm tired of them bashing the other to me, I only hope that they don't do the same for David, I've always tried to protect him from their crap but I can't now that I'm at school. I've told him before that if things ever get too bad he's welcome to come spend a weekend on my couch, but he has so many things going on on the weekends he really can't afford to not be there.

The only situation in which love might have been present that I can see is in my mom's parents, but I was eight when my pap died which was before I was old enough to recognize if theirs was a marriage of convenience or one of true love. I always thought that my grams and pap (dad's side) were in love, and they might have been, they got married when they were 19 which is weird let me say, and they were together until my grams died Feb 12, 2006 when she was 69 years old-that's a story for another time. But now, just two years later he's dating another woman, Marib Drennan, she goes to our church and is a really nice lady but I don't understand how he can do that. They've already traveled extensively together and are planning a three week cross country road trip for this upcoming fall! I only want my pappy to be happy, I really do, but it's hard to see him with someone else.
How could he have moved on so quickly if he and grams were in "true love." I don't doubt that he loved her, he would have had to to be able to keep up with her the past ten years, it had to have been hard with her being so sick all of the time. But was it "true love?" That I doubt.

I find the thought of "true love" very appealing and I am a complete sucker for movies like "The Notebook" or "An Affair to Remember" that center around true love, however I find it hard to believe that such an instance could happen in reality. As much as I'd like to think that Hollywoodesque couples like Cory and Topanga, Ross and Rachel and Booth and Brennan exist in practice, I find it hard to believe.

Love. It's the topic of countless hollywood movies, romance novels and popular songs. But what exactly is love? Is it a feeling, a notion? Or is it merely an excess of serotonin and norepinephrine which simulates a euphoric sense? I often ponder the concept of true love, and the diehard romantic in me wants to believe that there is one person in the world destined for everyone, but my rational side seriously questions that logic. I'm even beginning to question if true love even exists. Yes I believe in the love of a parent, child or other family member, but romantic love? Of this I'm not sure. I know that I believe that if "true love" does exist it must be reciprocated.

In high school I was always the kid who believed that teenage relationships were meant simply to teach one about onesself, they don't end in marriage and at the age of 17 one is too young to even begin to grasp what being in love is. That was until I began to date let's call him Andrew again. He and I had had a deal so to speak since the eighth grade-ridiculous I know. We finally dated officially during our junior year, but that eventually ended and we went back to being just friends, I moved on and dated another, lets call him Paul, that lasted for four months, I ended it for two reasons, first and formost because Paul wanted more physically than I was willing to give and two because Andrew wanted to try again, so while in California for a week for the Rose Bowl parade we were all couply again, he kissed me on new years eve and we got back together.

I was in Heaven, we were finally official, i.e. boyfriend and girlfriend, no longer "officially dating" but officially exclusive. And although I'd never admit it, I was in love. Although we never verbalized anything I believed he loved me too, just the way he looked at me I knew it.

random funny story, at first we wanted to keep it quiet because we knew everyone would freak out when "those two crazy kids finally admitted to themselves how much they meant to each other and got together" so we tried really hard to keep it cool, but Christie, a mutual friend told me months later that it was painfully obvious, she'd ask Andrew in home room if something was going on between us and he'd just be super aloof about it but "it was totally obvious because we'd be at musical and if you look over there, oh there's andrew and dani, and then you look over there and oh there's andrew and dani again" haha

I'm back. I truly thought I loved him, and although I was traditionally the one to freak out when a relationship got too serious, I liked it. We would talk about our individual futures to each other, future plans and such and it always ended up being about OUR future. We'd both talk about the children we wanted to have and the conversation always shifted to the children WE could have. Like I said, I was in Heaven.

Then I got really sick, I was in the hospital several times, I missed obscene amounts of school because I was having every test in the book run on me, and I don't know why but we started fighting again and finally we broke up. We remained friends, it was weird, but things ended, again. But I still assumed that we'd get back together again, we always did so I wasn't particularly broken up over it. And sure enough, in June it sure looked like we were going to get back together. But oh, surprise, the week after we were being super cute at his grad party (his family freaked when I got there, "Dani! hi! how are you! oh, look at this picture of you two together over here, oh look at this one, you two look so great together! We've missed you!" and such. We were sitting down on lawn chairs with his little cousin Austin (4 years old or so) and just playing with him and it was so domestic, and I could honestly see that being us in 10 years and it felt so good) Oh yes he began dating Annie, a mutual friend. That stung and months after that he and I were talking, fighting sort of and he let it slip that Annie was the only person he had truly cared for.

That didn't sting. It hurt. It took almost a year and the knowledge that he was severely cheating on me the whole time for me to get over him. But I guess it served me right, I let my guard down with Andrew, I let myself love him. I'm a head person, not a heart person, I trust my brain, what I know. But with Andrew, I let my heart take over, I had never done that before and I now have the facts to prove that I should never do that again. I thought he was my "true love" I always had, even in the ninth grade I recall telling my friend Melanie "it doesn't bother me that he's dating her, I don't want to date him now because then it might ruin it. We have something really special and I could really see us doing this dance through high school and college and then getting together after that and getting married, I don't want to risk losing that chance."

I guess I was wrong. He never loved me. At least I learned this now and not later down the line when the steaks were higher. To be continued...

I was in DC last week for the annual J/MC department trip. While there we went to Mt. Vernon, the Newseum (which wasn't even open yet!) The Associated Press, Politico and of course we had free time to do the random tourist activities one must do while in our nation's capitol

Friday night we were free after 6 so we went to see all of the monuments and such that night. The weather was beautiful, slightly chilly but nothing that a sweatshirt wasn't sufficient for. The night sky was somewhat clear and the monuments were all lit up beautifully. I was there with some friends from the GLOBE, they are all upperclassmen but what else is new, I have always gotten along best with those who are older than me. I figure that since it is 2 miles from the capitol building to the Lincoln memorial we walked at least five miles because we made the full circle from the capitol building and back, stopping at all of the other monuments on the way. My feet have never hurt so bad as they did the next day; I have spent hours on end in pointe shoes and it still doesn't compare, but sore feet or not I wouldn't trade that evening for anything. It was so beautiful, as lame as this sounds I really wanted Matthew to be there with me, it had so much romantic posibility that never got realized. Oh well, perhaps next time.

Wow that was really rambl-y, too bad hehe

I have to write a 7 page paper on Katie Couric. It's due tomorrow at 1:00. I need to get on that. whoops?

Today was relatively uneventful, I almost fell asleep during acting class which was bad; however can you really blame me? We were working on monologues which means unless you are one of the 2 that went today, you sat and watched the other students run the same lines over and over again-it gets boring.

On the up side, I discovered an excellent food combination, peanut butter and honey, simply mix them together and enjoy. Random I know, but enjoyable nonetheless. Oh and I also watched Enchanted today as it's one of the cutest movies of all time. Yes, it's cheesy, but that quality is intentional, and therefore amusing rather than annoying. Amy Adams has a pure voice that is void of any definable style which makes it perfect for the role, Patrick Dempsey is of course gorgeous, Idina Menzel is cute, but I still have trouble thinking of her as any character other than Elphaba, and with a cameo by Michaela Conlin, it is quickly becoming a personal favorite.

I have decided that I am going to stop stressing about my roommies (specifically one roommate) and just do what I want to do. When I want to sing, I'm going to sing, and if she tells me to shut the f*ck up, I plan to retort with, "excuse me, but I don't know what your problem is. I have a trained voice. I don't suck. why is it that anyone else is allowed to sing, including you, who blast off key are allowed to sing, but I, who do have vocal abilities, cannot? Obviously you have a problem with me and not my voice, so leave me alone. If I'm bothering you that much invest in a pair of earplugs." I doubt I'll actually have the moxie to say that, but it is nice to imagine it. I'm just tired of her glaring at me when I walk in the room, purposely making me feel uncomfortable, and insulting me in areas which I know I excel. I've waited long enough, I'm ready to finally stick up for myself.

That being said, I'm going to take a shower-while belting some showtunes-and go to bed.

Well i recently  experienced my first Model UN conference from the other side of the gavel. I was the director of SCIII at LEIMUN 08 and must say that I'm officially addicted. I lucked out and my President wasn't a gavel hog and let me chair committee as early as day two session one, and I completely ran the last three hour session. It was a great experience, and although it may sound boring I assure anyone who is skeptical that it is anything but. There are strict rules of parliamentary procedure that must be followed, times that must be adhered to, and processes that must be memorized. Everything is incredibly fast paced and he who holds the gavel has complete authority over the delegates. I really hope that my class schedule works next year and I can return, perhaps as a rappateur or maybe even a president. 

[warning: this is going to jump around and make no sense unless you too have experienced LEIMUN, sorry, you'll deal.] Another fun part of the conference was seeing all of my upperclassmen friends from high school. The staff hotel is next door to the hotel my high school stays at so while the other of age staff were partaking in behaviors that are legal for them but illegal for me (I was the youngest staff member by 3 or 4 years) I hung out with the old MUN crew at the hotel that I stayed at when I was in their shoes. It was weird but not at the same time, there were several rookie members that I didn't know, but for the most part it was just like old times. The second floor right hand side stairwell saw more drama including but not limited to that revolving around the accused/the ex/parental confession, awkward turtles, matt s. sneeking up and looking through the window and scaring us, me wearing matt's 40 below socks, having cheeze-it baseball-esque wars w/ jana and matt, thoroughly enjoying a good Dasani, Jana covering for matt when he was less-than-subtle, three words: vibrating condom ring, certain people not leaving when matt and I wanted to talk alone, the creepy third floor, me almost falling asleep on the stairs, falling asleep on warren's bed, jan leaving me there so hopefully matt and i would wake up and finally be able to talk w/out everyone following, I DIDN"T GET TO THE J THIS YEAR BC OF THE DAMN WEATHER, taking reflection pics in the second floor mirror, hanging out in the party room, matty following us a bit, so much for avoiding me, wade not hating me as much as he claims to, KFM, never have I ever, falling asleep w/ danny, JGR not caring that i was there all night, wtf calling in the middle of the night and me answering jan's room phone, the delegate dance, cleveland shuffle!! the random other line dance i taught ann and matty, grinding w/ matty, grinding w/ the gay staff members bc they're amazing, breaking out our dance team hip hop routine in the middle of the circle, half of my committee thinking it was 'freaking sweet'  that their director was busting a move to usher's yeah and then grinding w/ her friends, finding out that matt started dating whit the night before we left, then finding out that he liked me all last year and i had no idea, kicking myself for it, but having him still flirt some and make it obvious that he's quite indecicive, "are there any points or motions on the floor? seeing none the chair recognizes belgium for a period of five minutes,"  "the chair is going to rule that dilitory at this time," "decorum delegates!," picking up the local accent and getting berated by wtf for it, jg and herb love you, butchering the prounanciation of a name bc dan's handwriting is ridic, getting a size large shirt because that's all that was left, thinking that the honda accord joke is dumb, the bus breaking down. twice. withing ten minutes of home, showing wtf how to spin in a head stand, ann messing up the hips for the one dance, but matt doing them perfectly, matts glasses, matts ridic little brother [ps there are two matts] "can we please not" "never have i ever shaved my face,"  me: "never have i ever been pulled over" m; "you bitch!," most of the songs played of the dj were crap with a pop and lock nature, always wearing heels and awesome kick-ass suits, hitting the gavel hard, protecting the gavel from the SCII president, not sleeping at my hotel at all because it sucked, drew-regarding me visiting the high schoolers: "oh screw them" me:  "i want to screw one of them which is why i was over there!"  drew: "ohh yeah pound it girl!," leaving my pants and blazer there, luckily abby grabbed them thanks sweetie!, it snowing. a lot, matt trying to subtly smell his armpits at the delegate dance to make sure all was good and me calling him out on it, matt, "does this involve what you told me and jess but noone else?" me: "yes, crap i wish i had never told you that, i don't know why i did and now i totally regret it" matt: "woah, with all the crap you have on me it's about time i know something about your life!" the resurrection of "DT"  riding the bus w/ the high school kids because i really didn't want to drive there, craaazy videos, g and wtf in the same room=bad, g in general at times, awkward turtles reproducing all around, no internet connection, "well if you're going to bring water might as well bring a whole bottle. i'm just saying" the trashtabula mall, coops feeling awkward while kfm was happening, leschek facebooking me, the strip poker game that we all found out about, what happens at leimun stays at leimun, calling chris and mike, matt and i talking in code, matt not taking his eyes off of me according to matt, matt coming over to dance with me first, our chain doing a perfect body roll, coops taking random pics, herb taking random pics, steelers fans in the same room as browns fans,

Ok so enough of that. Sorry for anyone who actually read that whole thing without knowing what i was talking about; I just wanted to get some of the random memories down, I might add more later, but probably not.  Over all it was a blast of a trip and I really hope some of the current seniors come back as staff next year, it'll be a blast all over again!!

Well, today is my first full day back after spring break and to say that I'm not thrilled is an understatement. Things have been going pretty well lately-at least they have been decent on the boy front. However I am finally getting sick and tired of mixed signals. He and I have discussed our mutual attraction and after the last time I saw him I thought that it was actually going somewhere, however today I saw on facebook's "stalker feed" (aka the news feed)  that another girl (he likes her too, but she had been with this one kid for 3 years on and off so it wasn't going anywhere, however her boyfriend dumped her last week) had referenced a profile update and closed the wall post with i love my boyfriend. Now. If he wants to date her that's fine, but just tell me, so I don't know if that was just her being her flirtatious self or if it is substantiated. I guess I'm just tired of the uncertainty.  

End of rant.

Well, spring break is in 9 days...not that I'm counting. Don't get me wrong, I love school, I'm on a first name basis with most of my professors, and I'm very involved with the TV studio which is wonderful, but I'm having some roommate issues. My actual roommate and I have next to nothing in common (one minute example would be her huge "Rocky Horror" poster vs. my favorite tiara's on the wall above my bed). It's not that we don't get along most of the time, she's just extremely moody. 

Another issue is with my suitemate in the other room. She and I were super close last semester, but she got a boyfriend and now I'm the equivalent of chopped liver. It is completely common that she will suggest we do something, watch a movie, take a walk, go for dinner etc and half way through she'll get  a text from him and beg to leave because she's horny. It just hurts that we went from thisclose to barely aquaintences in a matter of days.

Well I guess to begin, I'm new here, have never "blogged" before, and have no idea what I should be writing. I have been hanging around for awhile and figured that it was only logical that I create an account, so, hi? I'm a college student  studying television broadcasting with an on-camera emphasis. I also work for my school's newspaper and frequently write OEs (opinionated editorials, i.e. perspectives pieces). I danced all through high school and still do on the side when I find time. Musical theatre has always been a favorite passtime and it is not uncommon for my roommates to come home and hear me belting a random showtune. Ok, well I suppose that's sufficient for now, let me know if there is something in particular I should be writing about. 

P.S. I'm beyond elated by the unofficial end to the WGA strike!